My New Approach In Life

I am as rigid as one could be. I never want to do something that is out of the line or not really conventional. I love to do things that are curtailed down to schedule, and improvisation isn't one of my great of suits. This shouldn't be a problem to many; after all, being able to stay in a plan is good for success. But that isn't the same for me.

Because everything in my life is planned down on a paper, or my phone goal list, I don't like the idea of things not going the way I want. But that is pathetic because I can't be in control of things in my life. As Stephen Covey stressed, there are some things that are out of my zone of influence. I focus much on my concerns, which most of them are not in my zone of influence.

The situation gets out of hand sometimes. I have a tendency of discrediting myself when I fail to do things that I planned. There are somethings that I can not control, but if they don't go seemingly as I would want them to go, I feel like a total failure. 

Although this is an internal struggle, I am such a control freak. If possible, I would like to play God! I want to be able to control the way other people feel about me. I hate the thought of people falling out with me. I guess that is why I go out of my way to try and please everyone. It reached a time where I tried to put human emotions and reactions down to a science. I did that for a long time. If someone becomes rude to me, I feel that my qualities as a human are being downgraded. I feel the same way regardless the relationship I have with that person. I usually believe if I just controlled some patterns I could change the results(people's reactions), but I sadly figured out that humans aren't creatures of logic. 

I tried to use logic and well-planned action paths to ensure that I get the results that will have a win-win result. But I terribly failed! And I don't take failure so lightly. Failure hurts my ego. And a man without his ego is as better as dead! Emotionally dead not really dead!

To save myself, I had to find myself. And that is what I did.

Today was such a long day! I wanted to have a new approach that won't leave me as empty as the old one frequently left me.

I started by stimulating different emotions in me. I use music to guide me through every emotion...

The process was as follows:

1. I start by hitting rock bottom. This is a point whereby I make myself so low that I cry. I cry as if I lost something or something threatens my being. I remember the situation that makes me not happy and heighten it. It's like blowing the situation out of proportion. I use the following songs to do that: a) Photograph by Ed Sheeran, b) Fault in our stars by Troy Sivan, c) The scientist by Coldplay, d) White horse and last kiss by Taylor Swift and lastly, Tonight I want to cry by Keith Urban
2. After I hit rock bottom I find songs that will neutralize the situation. I do this because I usually don't want to make life altering decisions while I feel down. To do this, I listen to pump up songs. I use the following songs to pump myself up: a) 7/11 and love on top by Beyonce, b) Uptown funk by Bruno Mars c) Feeling Myself by Nicki Minaj d) Postcards by James Blunt e) Want to want me by Jason Derulo and lastly, Beauty and the beat by Justin Bieber.
3. Then, I use nature simulated sounds. Sounds like: birds chirping, ocean waves or thunderstorm. I use an app in the play store to get these sounds. At this point, I get to the diffused mode of thinking then make my new resolutions and approaches.
4. Lastly, I use motivational songs to prove to myself that I will stick to the new resolution. I use three songs for this. One is I was Here By Beyonce, the second is Don't rain on my Parade by Glee cast, and last is Defying gravity by Glee cast.

The resolution I got today is that I need to love myself. On how I plan to do that, I'll talk about it on the next blog post.